Are you looking for ways to cope with empty nest syndrome?
After decades of having kids in the house, it can be jarring when your children move out on their own. You might suddenly feel like you’re not as needed as you were just a few months ago. Or you abruptly find yourself with more time on your hands and no idea how to fill it in a meaningful way.
Becoming an empty-nester is a major life transition. You know intellectually that the kids were always meant to make their own lives; the fact that they are leaving means you’ve done part of your job as a parent. But emotionally, you may struggle to deal with your new day-to-day without the kids.
Let’s look at a few ways to cope with empty nest syndrome, and a few ideas to help you avoid getting it in the first place.
5 Ways to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome
Here are five effective ways to cope with empty nest syndrome.
1. Redefine Your Identity
Of course, you’ll always be a parent; nothing will change that. But you are also more than a parent. You might also be a spouse, a sibling, a neighbor, or a combination of those identities. Maybe you’re a volunteer, an employee, or a retiree.
Take some time to explore your roles outside of parenthood. Enjoy strengthening some of those parts of your identity that played second-string to the parent role for all those years.
You can even gain new roles if you choose. An empty nest gives you space to redefine your identity. You can expand into other areas. Maybe you read a few books between kids’ events and projects, but never had the time to read enough books to identify as a reader. Now you can!
You can be a runner, a hiker, a yogi, a painter, a piano player, a writer. This is your chance to become the person you always wanted to be but didn’t have the time while you were raising kids.
2. Tackle a New Challenge
Many parents find themselves without a sense of purpose once the kids leave home. By giving yourself a new challenge or a goal to pursue, you can find fresh energy and excitement!
Tackling a new challenge is similar to redefining your identity, but your new challenge doesn’t have to become your identity. Maybe you don’t feel like you would ever identify as a runner, but you’ve always wanted to run a 5K race. That’s a great challenge you can train for and get excited about. Play around with a bunch of different challenges to find new things you enjoy.
Your opportunities are limitless!
- Take a cooking course.
- Learn a new language.
- Pick up a musical instrument.
- Join a book club.
- Take up some kind of crafting.
- Write the Great American Novel.
- Volunteer for a meaningful cause.
- Join an amateur sports league.
- Travel.
What is something you always wanted to do but never had the time or energy to pursue? Now’s your chance to go for it!
3. Downsize
Selling your Farmington Valley home may sound like a drastic step to cope with empty nest syndrome. But it’s also a perfectly logical step at this point in your life.
Once the kids leave home, you may find you have more space than you care to clean and maintain. The extra bedrooms were necessary when the house was full every day, but when the kids have places of their own, the extra bedrooms may not get enough use to justify the expense of having the extra space. And that large yard that gave the kids enough space to play is now just a lot of work to keep up with.
A smaller home won’t feel so cavernous and quiet as a big, empty family home. Moving might also help give you a fresh start for this next chapter of your life!
Downsizing would allow you to tap into the equity you’ve built in your home over the years. You could invest that money in a smaller home with a lower mortgage payment. If you can make enough from the sale of your home to pay cash on your new home, you can avoid having a mortgage payment as you enter your fixed-income retirement years!
You could also eliminate a lot of the maintenance work, expense, and clutter that comes with a large family home. Consciously choosing to simplify your life in a new, low-maintenance, affordable home is a smart and practical way to cope with empty nest syndrome.
4. Treat Yourself!
Giving yourself something to look forward to is another effective way to cope with empty nest syndrome. And with the kids out of the house, you might have a little more disposable income now than you’ve had over the last few decades. Especially if you decided to downsize to reduce housing expenses. So take some of that cash and treat yourself!
Here are a few ideas:
- Start getting massages or spa treatments regularly.
- Plan your dream vacation. Bonus points if you pick a place the kids would have found boring.
- Join a local club (maybe the Stoneybrook Golf Club or Litchfield Country Club).
- Get season tickets to UCONN basketball or any of the NY or Boston sports teams.
- Take up a new hobby that would have been too expensive before (maybe horse riding, art collecting, or winemaking).
You’ve worked hard for your family your whole adult life. Take some time and money to reward yourself!
5. Get Help if You Need It
While empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis, it can trigger a serious case of the blues or even depression.
If you’re struggling with empty nest syndrome, talk to your friends and family about it. Those who have been through it, or are going through it now, can be a strong support system.
And if you’re concerned that you might be getting into depression territory, or you need more support than your friends and family can offer, seek additional help. There are empty nest support groups online. Or you could use an app like BetterHelp to speak to a licensed counselor on a regular basis via text, phone, or video. Or you can find a local family therapist who will be familiar with empty nest syndrome and the mental health challenges it can bring.
Are There Ways to Avoid Getting Empty Nest Syndrome?
Maybe you’re not yet experiencing empty nest syndrome, but you’re worried about it as you prepare to send your kids out into the world. Here are a few ideas to help you avoid getting empty nest syndrome as you make this transition.
Help Your Children Be Self-Sufficient
You’ll feel a lot better when the kids move out if you know you’ve prepared them to live without you.
Make sure your kids know how to cook basic healthy meals, how to do laundry, and how to clean and maintain a home or apartment. Teach them a little about vehicle maintenance, landing a job, and managing finances. And make sure they know you’re available when they have questions or need advice.
Maintain Your Identities Outside of Parenthood
Lots of parents build their entire identities around their kids. But you’re no less loving or nurturing if you devote some of your time and energy to the other aspects of your identity. If you have other roles to throw yourself into when the kids leave, you’re less likely to experience empty nest syndrome.
Establish a Quality Time Tradition
It might make it easier to let the kids go if you have a certain time when you can look forward to reconnecting with them. If the kids will remain in the area, maybe you can establish a Sunday Brunch tradition now so the kids know to visit on Sundays for their favorite foods and quality family time. Any family activity that takes place at a regular interval will work. Maybe a family game night or a Saturday afternoon hike would work better for your family.
And if the kids are moving too far away to visit in person, you can keep up a virtual time tradition. Pick a time each week where you can just sit and catch up; you’ll be able to maintain that quality time via phone or FaceTime when the kids have moved.
Have a Plan for When the Kids Leave
The final way to help you avoid getting empty nest syndrome is to establish a plan now for when the kids move out. Don’t let yourself be blindsided when the time comes. Start imagining daily life without the kids now and build in things to look forward to.
- Will you downsize to simplify, save money, minimize maintenance, and give yourself a fresh start in a new home?
- What will your primary identities and roles outside of parenthood be?
- Which new challenges will you pursue?
- How will you treat yourself?
- Where can you turn for support if you find yourself coping with empty nest syndrome?
How I Can Help
I might not be able to keep your kids at home or offer counseling when they leave. But I might still be able to help you cope with empty nest syndrome.
If you decide that downsizing your Farmington Valley home is the right move for you, I can help you sell your current home, find your new home, and make the transition between the two as smooth as possible.
Contact me today for a completely free home value analysis! And start looking forward to the positive sides of having an empty nest.
